Valerie Gommon Midwife’s Blog

Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) and fertility

Posted on: October 15, 2009

This article has been written by Sejual Shah is a Hertfordshire, UK base practitioner. She works in person, by phone, and webcam with clients on over 4 continents. She loves seeing the joy her work brings to her clients. She can be contacted @ healthyinmind.com

Wanting to conceive a baby is a natural part of our growth and development as humans. However, many find starting their families difficult. Using controlled practices such as timing intercourse to ovulation can lead to a lot of stress for both parents and conceiving even the first baby becomes a nightmare instead of the anticipated joy.

Pregnancies attempted late in life are perceived in the medical field as difficult since a woman’s fertility declines heavily after her mid-30s. What many Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) practitioners, myself included, are finding is that these and other problems can be neutralised with tapping to enable a healthy conception leading all the way to realising that cherished birth of innocent joy.

The support I give is of help to both people in the relationship. Men’s stress levels and worries about conceiving are equally important as the problems a woman experiences as both parents need to be healthy to create a baby.

Common Problems with Fertility
The most common problems I encounter in my practice and have success in helping with EFT are:

  • Unresolved grief about earlier miscarriages, stillbirths and traumatic loss of loved ones
  • High stress levels
  • Residual post-natal depression
  • Previous problematic births
  • Couple problems – relationship and communication issues.

This article will deal with the first two.

Unresolved Grief
Conceiving a child is an act of joy. When we are harbouring a deep-seated grief it is too far removed for the joy and happiness to come in. It is like the two sets of emotions are incompatible and as the grief has been there longer it stops the new possibilities from coming in.

This grief comes in so many shapes and forms. “Heather” was 44 and was still waiting to conceive her first child. She felt the pressure of not being able to, conceive. She had tried natural approaches and IVF, but nothing was working. When we talked about her personal history it quickly became evident that she’d never finished grieving over the loss of her beloved mother ten years before. She still had her mother’s ashes in a cupboard in the bedroom.

Very gently we tapped away the grief. We created emotional space so Heather could express all the things she never got to tell her mum before she passed away. Over several sessions Heather went through a gentle clearing process to lastingly let go of the grief. With this approach she was able to create mental space within herself to bring in new life. Four months ago she gave birth to a healthy set of twins that have brought countless joy and new opportunities for growth in her life.

Lasting grief often accompanies pregnancies lost before the baby reaches full term. One client shared, “I miscarried at ten weeks. The doctors just said it happens to everyone and that I should get over it”. Yet, in those ten precious weeks that same woman was already connecting from the heart with this longed-for baby. While it may have been as tiny as a beetle, that baby was still real and alive for her. If we can’t grieve properly over what could have been, then it’s difficult for us to make way for what we wish to realise.

It’s equally important to clear that grief over stillbirths, or other upsetting losses like losing a sibling when they were young.

High stress levels
Stress can be a huge barrier to conceiving. Stress can come from high-pressured jobs, draining situations in our lives, and feeling that we must be perfect at everything we do.

Some of the women who come to me for help have very full active lives. They feel empowered by their successes – and they have every right to – but nobody has yet taught them how they can release the accompanying stress that constantly builds up. Keeping up their work successes turns sour – they’ve fought for their career progression but now it is cruelly taking away a cherished goal.

In this situation, I help them address their work stress so that instead of constantly fire-fighting, their bodies can relax and get on with conceiving.

“Diane” came from a background where her parents were proud of her high-flying achievements. She had gone further than her brothers and sisters in her studies and was a well-paid executive. That hard work attitude had helped her create huge success, but hard work didn’t pay off when it came to conceiving. She and her husband had been trying for years and wondered if the time had come to give up. But it wasn’t in her nature to quit – hadn’t she fought for each promotion?

Initially she came to see me for help in moving up the next rung of the ladder up to the boardroom. She saw the glass ceiling and was determined to crack it.

Diane and I worked to help her relax in these work situations and so have more energy to put into her work. She learned to thrive without high levels of stress in her demanding role by using EFT in sessions with me, and then learning how to do basic structured tapping exercises outside of our work. Her body realised she didn’t need to feel stressed all the time.

In that process of releasing the stress she conceived naturally and used our work to help her manage her still hectic schedule with the demands the growing baby was making on her physically, so that she could still nurture the foetus. Her baby son was born bouncingly healthy one year ago. With the work we had already done she was able to devise a healthy strategy for balancing her return to her career while enjoying motherhood in a balanced way.

EFT as a stress management tool can also support a man experiencing problems with sperm health as a result of a pressurized life-style.

Conclusion
There is a very complicated connection between our physical and emotional health. Many times the emotions we are carrying prevent the body from fulfilling its potential. By doing work on these core emotional issues we can see transformation in our physical health.

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